After more 24 months from dipping inside and outside off OKCupid, it’s slowly dawned towards me that all (not absolutely all, your nitpickers) women, 29-38, with users on that web site get into four wide groups (no prevent the):

No, the “Guyly-People,” with regards to the ads wizards, try an unshaven, overgrown fratboy expected to bellowing incoherently and you may highest-fiving their Token Black colored Buddy more just how sleek his vehicle was otherwise how good the guy thinks their pisswater light beer choice

#step one. This new Whirlwind “Just take the passport, let us traveling!! Where? Any-fucking-in which! It doesn’t matter, as I am sort of an empty layer, and you can lingering actions is preferable to sitting still and you may playing the booming gap that is my personal identification!” Skiing from the winter, wakeboarding in the summertime, the new Whirlwind does not have any patience to have silky, inactive meditation, it’s wade-wade-wade. She’ll run you on the an early grave if you try to keep up with their particular, that’s good ’cause the early death provides their unique more time getting material-hiking and you may vacation so you’re able to Ireland.

#2. The Girly-Girl She fits all the stereotypes. These are the girls that the “oppressed men” in alcohol adverts will always seeking escape from, along with justification. Particularly noteable for their certainly terrible taste in all forms of popular society, the Dvd cabinets are groaning which have headings including Filthy Dance and you will The notebook, as well as their ipod playlists was chock full of Jack Johnson, Keith Metropolitan, and you may Colbie Caillat. They may be wise, but they never screen a keen iota from rational interest. (Warning: She will fundamentally turn into The Castrating Shrew, but that is a separate set of groups.)

Therefore zero matches personally

[Top Notice: I thought the brand new “Girly-Girl” was a good Madison Avenue cliche, an animal present solely since the an antagonist regarding over-said adverts, however, they might be obviously around. Perhaps the contrary amount is the “Guyly-People,” but it is not any longer the latest durable, square-jawed Marlboro People type where to meet Itu ladies of. ]

#step 3. The Pretentious Graduate Beginner She might have graduated way back, but do not remaining the new attitude trailing. Most, really intelligent – way more therefore than just you, indeed, you scruffy screw – but have not laughed out loud during the an excellent dog’s years. (An exceptionally pithy Jon Stewart quip or trenchant The fresh new Yorker comic strip will get mark an effective wry smirk.) Reading list include hefty quantities to your socio-governmental items, otherwise Gabriel Garcia Marquez books. She listens to jazz, or Brazilian individuals, or simply just any type of pops up towards the NPR’s Oxygen you to definitely time (who has got time for audio whenever there clearly was causes?) She likes Thai eating, or perhaps is vegetarian, otherwise God allow us to, veggie. She tend to possess some this new Whirlwind in her, enjoying an intermittent escape into the “real” society out of European countries, otherwise particular oppressed Latin-american banana republic. Their Fb profile picture for the next 18 months would be their before specific Mayan ruins for the large boots and a great hemp rucksack. In short, she actually is completely insufferable.

#4. This new “I’m-Just-A-Country-Girl” Entire lotta these lurking around. She is the owner of Tim McGraw and you can/otherwise contemporary Religious Cds (has not yet bought an ipod yet ,). Have camping. Most likely chosen to have Plant, double, in the event it happened to their particular to help you vote after all. Dumb given that a fucking fencepost.

I frequently slide between the splits (once again, zero pun intended) of them classes. This new 21-twenty-eight year olds have her band of kinds, which are embryonic models of all of the above (truly the only variation ‘s the 30-38 12 months olds has actually pretty good jobs), by adding Cluster Girl, Faux-Hippie Girl, and you will Commonly-I-Nerdy/Quirky?-Girl.